I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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