If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
