know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
