One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
