Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
