dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
