Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
