i permit you to call me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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