Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
