Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
