No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
