Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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