Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
