Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
