i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
