I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
