dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
