mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
