eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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