how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
