how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
