i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
