True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
