he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
