I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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