There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
this is an emotional support booty call
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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