I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
