Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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