My first STD was from a foam party
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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