I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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