Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
