are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
