C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
