please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
