I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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