Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
