Someone shit on the floor
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
