oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
MIDGETS
????
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
