Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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