everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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