ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
