Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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