I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
