I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
