just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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