i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
