zippers are such a cool invention
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
