the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
