I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's rum buckets o'clock
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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