Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
