its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
