I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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