I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
