like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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