Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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