So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
